The following is satire. Or is it?
Dear administrators and staff:
It has been determined that our students are not responsible
enough to allow for social-networking tools in the classroom. That was
demonstrated by the inappropriate use of Twitter yesterday, coupled with
frustration expressed by teachers on Facebook (no irony here). It seems that they are concerned about being unable to effectively manage their respective classrooms
given the chance the additional technology tools might be misused by students
who have not been taught their value or appropriate behavior. Thus the need to eliminate this learning tool and by logical extension, review the potential or actual problems with other learning tools in the classroom.
Since historically students have also misused paper in the
classroom to write personal notes, draw inappropriate pictures of their
teachers, express themselves using inappropriate language, create spitballs, or
simply wad it up and throw it at each other, beginning today we will block students
from using paper for any school-related activities. This will not only prevent
misuse but will relieve teachers of any responsibility to effectively manage
the use of paper in their rooms.
Since pencils, pens, markers, crayons, etc., without the
presence of paper to employ them, might now only be a temptation to students to
misuse these 19th century technological wonders, they will no longer
be allowed in classrooms. This will effectively end the district’s innovative
1:1-BYOD policy of students bringing their own writing-drawing tools coupled
with the teacher periodically providing them to those without. There may be
other learning tools that need to be “blocked” as well such as the use of clay
in art classes. We all know that students can wander "off task" while using clay resulting in an inappropriate object being formed. This usually leads to a lot of giggling or gasps disrupting the flow of learning. This is very difficult for
the classroom teacher to monitor. While he/she is correcting one student,
others working behind her may be off task in their respective creations.
Textbooks and reading materials are another potential
distraction for students allowing their minds to drift off, hide other
activities they might be engage in at their desks, or the ever-dreaded “reading
ahead” instead of staying with the class or focusing on today’s assignment only.
Therefore, it seems logical that we ban books from the classroom since it
is far too difficult for any one teacher to ensure students are locked onto the
required reading or book assignment. Once again, this will relieve the teacher
of time-wasting classroom management activities and allow for more teaching and
learning in the classroom.
It appears that the safest, most efficient classroom is one
where only conversation is allowed as long as it is managed in such a way as
only one person is speaking at a time. Therefore, effective today, we shall
return to the pre-1900’s when oral recitation was at the center of teaching and
learning, and all other learning tools put away as to prevent those
unneeded distractions and time-wasting classroom management activities.
The Superintendent
